Coming Up on Xbox: New Games from May 5 to 9

Okay, let’s dive into this chaotic narrative world of mine. Welcome to the “Upcoming Games Madness” on Xbox! I swear, it’s like every week is a circus but with video games. Buckle up!

So, let’s talk about “Age of Empires II: DE – The Three Kingdoms.” Honestly, do you ever just get stuck in history class and think, “Man, this needs more video games”? Well, it’s like they heard you. You’re off to China, leading troops with cool, old-school names. Shu, Wei, Wu — sounds like I’m ordering takeout. These campaigns are like a magical blend of “Wow, did this really happen?” and “What if it totally didn’t?” You’ll meet Jurchens and Khitans — which, tbh, I had to Google. It’s like getting an ancient geography lesson through a game.

Next up, “King Arthur: Legion IX.” Holy grail, Batman — it’s King Arthur but, uh, gloomier? Imagine all this medieval flair in a twisted fantasy world. Knights and legends battling it out. My brain goes to “Game of Thrones” without all the, well, drama. It’s turn-based tactics which means think before you click.

Oh, we’re switching gears now with “Metal Eden.” Sent on a do-or-die mission? Pffft, normal Tuesday for some of us. It’s cyber-warfare in a city that once had big hopes — like when that new cafe opens but everyone’s realized they hate their coffee. Your job is basically to break stuff and uncover hidden truths. No pressure.

On to “Bartender Hustle.” Are we mixing drinks or playing a story-driven game? Yes and yes. I can almost smell the citrus and bitters while you climb the bartending ladder. Like, how did they make this a game? No clue, but it’s genius. Cozy bars to cocktail lounges, it’s like Cheers but interactive.

“Submarine Survivor” lands you in the ocean’s guts. Actually, that sounds kinda gross but stay with me. Imagine facing creatures that wouldn’t look out of place in an old nautical map. You collect experience points and become the master of the seas. Call me Captain… something cool.

Next, cue “Empyreal” — some galactic mystery dropping you on an ancient planet. You know when you’re like, “Let’s explore this totally normal rock?” and it’s not. That’s this game. You venture into the dark, run into ancient tech, and question human history — casual stuff.

In “Penguin Flight: Beyond the Clouds,” ever seen a penguin fly? Neither have I. But hey, this brave puffin of a penguin wants to soar! Cute, right? Except for the crafty obstacles awaiting you. Timing’s everything, they say. Good luck with that!

“Revenge of the Savage Planet” — imagine waking up and realizing your company threw you into the galactic trash. Rude, right? Now, explore every crevice, like a cosmic scavenger hunt, and get back at them. What a concept!

Finally, “Spirit of the North 2” — here’s where you team up with a wise raven on an epic journey. Not like these birds that steal your fries at the beach. I’m talking fabled guardians to save. It’s mystical yet fox-tastic (pun intended?).

And for “The Abandoned Planet,” if a wormhole tossing you across space isn’t a life metaphor, I don’t know what is. Solve puzzles in this pixelated adventure, kinda like if Myst had a baby with a 2D platformer. I envision lots of staring at screens wondering “what now?”

“Truck Simulator Cargo Driver 2025 – USA,” because who doesn’t dream of hauling goods across America? The thrill of the open road, the hum of the engine—minus the potholes, I hope. Plus, cargo missions must be kinda zen, right?

Lastly, “AMAZE!” — which feels like a pop art piece come to life. Paint a maze. Sounds peaceful. Till you realize, it’s all strategy. Pour yourself some coffee and dive in.

“Eyes: The Horror Game” is all about survival. Picture a horror escape room but on your console. You might think, “No thanks,” but some love the chill. It’s all about those eerie details, like hearing footsteps but knowing you’re alone. Yikes!

And that, my friends, is your game lineup insanity. Have fun, choose wisely, and remember, sometimes the pixels hold mysteries you never expected. Enjoy!