Your controller’s on the fritz.
So there we were, deep in the trenches of Radio Free Nintendo, all just deeply in love with our favorite colossal primate. It’s, like, a whole lore thing we’ve got going—spun out from the old “Now Playing” bits that have long vanished into the ether.
It’s funny, you know? I started spiraling into this rabbit hole (which I tend to do) asking myself: Is “The Big Ape” even the right fit for Donkey Kong? So, I dug up The Center for Great Apes’ checklist on what makes an ape an ape. Don’t ask why. Just roll with it.
Alright, let’s break this down:
– Hair vs. fur: Hair just keeps on growing, unlike fur that kinda knows when to give up. Seeing DK’s hairdo, I’m checking this box.
– Fingernails, not claws: DK’s fists are usually clenched, but some art reveals fingernails.
– Opposable thumbs? Yup, covered that with the whole fist thing.
– Brain-to-body ratio, intelligence: The dude can tie his own tie, drive. Ever seen a marmot on a rhino? Didn’t think so.
– Prehensility: Fists again. Those hands are doing overtime.
– Padded digits/fingerprints: Unsure here, it’s like a detail left unturned.
– Binocular vision: It’s a must for a guy who punches his way through life.
– Reduced sense of smell: Big ol’ question mark on that one.
By my reckoning, we’re good to call DK an ape. But wait for it—there’s this bit from The Center for Great Apes that always gets me:
“People confuse apes and monkeys. Besides lifespan, size, brain stuff, and smarts, the biggie is tails. Monkeys have ’em. Apes? Not so much.”
Diddy Kong, my friends, is in fact, no ape. Henceforth he’s branded as the clueless sidekick heading for an earlier checkout. Tough luck, buddy.
Shifting gears—on Wednesday, there was a Donkey Kong Bananza Direct. About 15 mins of gameplay and such—most notably DK teams with a teenage Pauline. This stirs up all sorts of lore messiness about their relationship, but I’m swerving around that meme minefield. Key takeaways:
– Pauline, a human, aligns with apedom.
– Diddy…does not.
– Diddy’s clock ticks a tad faster.
So basically, DK seems prepped to sub in Pauline for the soon-to-be-late Diddy.
Meanwhile, James dove into some Fantasy Life i: The Girl Who Steals Time. He’s tangled in a web of systems—an economy of “lives” and crafting. Hope he figures it out—like, mine ore to get better tools to make more things and…well, my brain shut down trying to process that.
After that whirlwind, we needed a breather. And then, bam, more New Business. Jon’s hoarding consoles, GameStop’s trade-ins were his target, but then came Special Agent Steve from GameStop InfoSec. Yes, that’s a thing. Over at GIS, the hunt for bugs is relentless.
Greg wraps with Mario Kart World and F-Zero GX updates. Two big racing titles for Switch 2, each having unique single-player elements. Mario Kart World’s huge—it’s all going on. Guillaume and James dabbled in GameChat on Switch 2, flinging games and chit-chatting over F-Zero, Mario Kart, and yes, Fantasy Life. Hands-on with the Switch 2 Pro Controller was a mixed bag.
And because we never sit still, there’s a call to action for Lister Mail. We’re scheming marketing pitches for companies in Mario Kart World. Got ideas? Fling them our way.
Oh, by the way, calling DK “The Big Ape”? It’s no epithet or alias—a nickname, let’s say. And I’ll keep mixing these up until I’m earthbound again.
